Funny One-liners and Quotes

Last Sunday, I shared some pearls of wisdom, but there are some good one-liners and quotes available on the internet. I have collected 20 from various sources. A lot of such sayings have been attributed to Dilbert or Scott Adams, but irrespective of who had penned these funny quotes, let’s get entertained this Sunday too.

1. I say no to alcohol, but it doesn’t listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Marriage is one of the main causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine, if it doesn’t take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

7. In order to get a loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

11. The road to success is always under construction.

12. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

15. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. Someday is not a day of the week.

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.

20. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else!

–Kaushal Kishore

images: pixabay

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