Kitchen Quarrels

This morning I read an depressing news. An 82 year-old man was sentenced by a sessions court to five years of rigorous imprisonment, as he was found guilty for subjecting inhuman cruelty to his 36-year-old daughter-in-law (DIL) 11 years ago by routinely abusing and harassing her and threatening to kill her that abetted her suicide. She was a widow, and her 12-year-old son testified before the court that his grandfather always used to quarrel with his mother under drunken condition.

Looking to his ripe age, the court sentenced him to a moderate punishment, but I think he should have got a severe punishment for his rude and heinous behaviour, that too at that ripe age, with his DIL (in Hindi Dil means heart). It again goes to prove that in this age also, Ravanas are there, irrespective of age, status and place.

This reminds me of a family that resided in our neighbourhood, when I was a child. There were three brothers in the family. One was an office clerk and two others were school teacher and excise inspector. Their income varied obviously. But all of them used to hand over their pay-packets to their father, who used to manage food and basic needs like clothing etc for all the family members equally with no discrimination whatsoever. It was a happy joint family with common kitchen.

One thing I find common in the two stories is kitchen. In the first case, the quarrels started on food, milk and basic needs of DIL’s 12-year-old child. A mother has to take care of her child in whatever situation she is. But objecting her for this, that too by the grandfather is unimaginable. What I perceived in the second case was that there was no dispute over anything including kitchen.

I find the common initial point of quarrel in a family in most of the cases is kitchen, though the reasons and situations may vary. This is my observation that may not be correct.

When I was a child, my mother used to worship the oven, before starting her cooking after taking bath. Kitchen used to be a pious and sacrosanct place then, where nobody could go with slippers or shoes on.

Remember, kitchen is the heart of home. It’s a happy place, where memories are made and shared, and seasoned with love.

–Kaushal Kishore

images: pinterest


  1. The first one was a terrible news indeed!
    If we fight amongst ourselves, who will fight against such cruelties that have plagued our world?!
    The second one resembles my family a lot. And yes, you are right KK. A kitchen is a sacrosanct place which is the source of our life and health.
    Thanks for this KK. 🙏🏻

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Aahna for resonating with me. I was really surprised how an elderly person can behave so rudely, but then this world has both types of people. I’m happy for you and your family. In fact such a family is not less than heaven.


    1. You’re right, Radhika, we are changing fast, and so are our values and lifestyles. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.


  2. Goodness, Kaushal, how beautifully you have described the most important place of home –
    the kitchen. Today’s kitchens are reflecting this by being made to look like a family hub with a sofa and a table where the mother can cook while the children do their homework and all the family can spend a happy time together.
    I love the reverence with which your mother treated the kitchen and yours was a happy home.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, Joanna, I still remember how my mom used to teach me in the kitchen itself. Food cooked in the kitchen is treated as offering to Goddess Annapurna. That’s why it was treated with reverence. Now things are changing fast. Thank you for appreciating the post.


  3. What enormous contrast in these stories. So well told. In a healthy home the kitchen does bring people together to share many blessings. Lovely write my friend. I am glad you had a happy home and wonderful memories of the kitchen with your mother cooking for those she loved. Big hugs and blessings. 🤗🦋 Joni

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Joni for reading and appreciating the post. It was a different time altogether. Now-a-days, people go for convenience. But then change is inevitable, and people have to adjust accordingly. Much love to you. Stay blessed 😊💐💖

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sad these contrasts exist KK!
    Amen to your lovely story and these lovely words to have grown un in:
    “kitchen is the heart of home. It’s a happy place, where memories are made and shared, and seasoned with love”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The kitchen seems, unfortunately to rule many homes. Happiness is determined by many things, and one of them for me, is the ability to cook daily and still spend as little time in there as possible.

    This achievement (I do most of my own chores and just have off-on help with a few chores) gives me great joy and also adds quality to my life… and to the health of all at home because basic cooking is healthier.

    It’s sad that the first story you mentioned – fights because of one person’s desire that access to food not equal for all family members – is no uncommon. Apart from cases of family discord like the one in your post, girl children and women often experience this in our country.

    Even in educated families, though it’s more subtle and not visible in families that have plenty. In some cases, women can be conditioned to deny themselves food or eat left overs, after everyone else has eaten. And resent it if the next generation of women doesn’t do the same.

    There’s a revolution happening as men and women tackle this and promote change within their homes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your analytical comment. I fully resonate with you. I appreciate you and your handling of the kitchen and family affairs. To me, kitchen is a central place of authority and worship (Ma Annapurna). The way our mothers were looking at the things has undergone a sea change, and so difference of opinion is but natural that may be respected, not negated.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes I understand. I see a generational difference in many families and both ways – the old and the new, each promote values that are good even though they are quite different.

        Liked by 1 person

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